SARA:

We want to tell you about, Daniel.

Daniel suffered from the disease of addiction. No one chooses addiction any more than one might choose heart disease or cancer.  

Daniel was just like you and me – he began by drinking for fun as a teenager, and he experimented with drugs, as many of us did.  But because Daniel was an addict, he could not stop. Daniel also struggled with mental illness.  And no one chooses that, either. His mind made him uneasy in his own skin.  This was the fuel – along with his dyslexia and school problems – that drove his addiction.

In some ways, I’m exactly like Dan.  We both have a hard time expressing ourselves -- the outside doesn’t match the inside – we are like a piece of candy with a hard shell and a gooey center.  We are both hard to love because we drive people away.

I wanted nothing more than to have Dan be better, and I didn’t know how to make him be better so I tried to make myself better -- but that didn’t help either.  If I knew what Dan wanted I would have given it to him.  I wanted him to save himself but he couldn’t. I am sorry I couldn’t save him and sorry he couldn’t save himself.

Life was not fair to Dan -- he was fighting an unwinnable battle.

I would never have the compassion for the families I work with now if I did not know Dan – if I did not see him struggle every day.  I try to see the person inside, I wonder what kind of day they are having, and I wonder what kind of battle they are fighting that I don’t know about.  

I am eternally grateful to Dan for that gift.

DAD:

Before adolescence, Danny had 13 years of mental bliss.  Daniel had amazing peace of mind – he was the most together of the 5 Paulus’ – we all loved him – it was easy – he was so lovable.

He was truly a happy kid through and through.  He was friendly and helpful.  He was well-rounded and loved life.  He was a good friend and had many friends. He was giving and full of positive energy.  He cared about other people and tried to make people feel better.

Last December, Dan and I were in the lobby of the Malvern rehab center. We were waiting for approval from an inpatient psych hospital to admit Dan because the doctors had decided he needed a higher level of care. Sitting there with Dan on what was clearly a very bad day, I was amazed at how many counselors and patients stopped by the lobby to tell Dan how much they would miss him and how he helped them in their struggles. And what a good heart he had.  One counselor told me a story about a guy who was there and didn't have a jacket and Dan literally took off his hoodie and gave it to him. He didn’t lend it to him , he gave it to him.

We first noticed that kind generosity when Dan was a toddler. We had company and our friends kid was playing with one of Dan’s toys all evening, when it was time to go his parents told him that he had to give the toy back to Dan. Of course he didn't want to, but before his parents could tell him again, Dan said it's Ok, he can have it. He was probably about 4 years old. He really was that kind and sensitive. 


MOM:

Dan was generous to a fault. When a friend of his was in prison, he put money on his commissary card so he could get snacks – Dan knew how important those snacks were in jail.  When his friend in Florida couldn’t make the week’s rent in her recovery house, he made sure that rent got paid.  When another friend with 2 kids was short on food money, he got them gift cards to Giant. When someone else he knew needed a lawyer, he took care of that, too. He gave out backpacks, blankets, and food to the homeless, for he also knew their pain.

I choose to remember this Daniel.  I thank God for the time I was given with Daniel.  He filled my life and heart with love for many years.  I choose to hold onto this Daniel, because my Daniel was Gift to me from God.

MEGAN:

In recent weeks Dan struggled horribly. But in all the confusion, he looked forward, picking himself back up, creating a plan for himself:  He would try the clinic again; he would get an apartment where he could bring his dog, Shelly. He would try again. 

Dan and my Dad had a good long conversation the night before he died.  Dan talked about his future and was making plans.  He had such beautiful dreams.  He would buy 10-15 acres and build a place out in the country.  He’d have a zip line and hiking trails and maybe horseback riding.  It would be a retreat for addicts – a place they could learn to have fun.

Addiction stretched our family to its limits. It tested our loyalty and our capacity to love.

But I am who I am because of Daniel. I owe my career to him. The things that are important to me are important to me because of him. He taught me compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. He taught me that behind everyone, everyone - no matter how bad their behavior – there was a human being. A human being with a kind heart, a human being capable of kindness, a human being that deserved joy, that deserved peace, that deserved love and support and forgiveness. It was a privilege to know my brother, even in the worst times – to know his pain, to know his suffering, and to try to help him bear his burden in the best way that I knew how.

 I will be forever grateful that he was a part of my life.

MOM:

A couple of Sundays ago, Dan was here at Gloria Dei for Sunday services.  He had called me and asked if he could go with me to church.  God was calling to him and Dan heard God’s call.

When Daniel was found on Sunday night lying on the floor, there on the floor also was a Bible. God was calling to Dan’s heart and Dan heard Him.

JIM:

We will miss Daniel Brian tremendously, and always.

  Daniel, you are in our hearts, we will never let you go.